荒城侃三国 三十一：闲侃许渊冲英译苏轼的《念奴娇.赤壁》
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俺读诗词能看原文的绝不看译文，比如莎士比亚的十四行诗。尤其咱们汉语的古典诗词，俺从来不认为翻译成外文的还像诗词。格律根本没法翻译。翻译出来的诗好像都失去了原文的“诗味儿”。咱们中国有位翻译家叫“许渊冲”，他是这样翻译苏轼的《念奴娇.赤壁》的：
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Charm of a Maiden Singer
Memories of the Past at Red Cliff
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The Great River eastwards flows,
With its waves are gone all those
Gallant heroes of bygone years.
West of the ancient fortress appears
The Red Cliff . Here General Zhou won his early fame
When the Three Kingdoms were all in flame.
Jagged rocks tower in the air,
Swashing waves beat on the shore,
Rolling up a thousand heaps of snow.
To match the hills and the river so fair,
How many heroes brave of yore
Made a great show !
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I fancy General Zhou at the height
Of his succes s, with a plume fan in hand,
In a silk hood, so brave and bright,
Laughing and jesting with his bride so fair,
While enemy ships were destroyed as planned
Like shadowy castles in the air.
Should their souls revisit this land,
Sentimental ,his wife would laugh to say,
Younger than they ,I have my hair all turned gray.
Life is but like a passing dream,
I’d drink to the moon which once saw them on the stream.
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粗读一遍发现译者为了押韵颇多原文的原意被扭曲，还增加了一些原文没有的内容。接下来咱们跟苏轼的《念奴娇.赤壁》对照着一起细看这偏译作，俺的评论放在“-”号后面：
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Charm of a Maiden Singer
- 这是“念奴娇”，哈哈。
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Memories of the Past at Red Cliff
- 这是“赤壁怀古”，past 成了“古”。题目《念奴娇·赤壁怀古》翻译完毕。下面是正文：
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The Great River eastwards flows,
- “大江东去”，也只能这样译了。
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With its waves are gone all those
- “浪淘尽”，最后的all those是为了和上面的尾字flows押韵才这样折行的，
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Gallant heroes of bygone years.
- “千古风流人物”，总觉的咱们中国人看见“风流”二字，后面会有一大堆内涵，就看读诗词的学问大小了。这里用了个gallant，觉得周瑜成了gentleman了。毛主席词里有“数风流人物”，连“唐宗宋祖”这类人都拿出来比较，可见gallant不是苏轼“风流”二字的准确翻译。
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West of the ancient fortress appears
- “故垒西边”，appears和上面的years押韵，所以在这儿折行。
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The Red Cliff . Here General Zhou won his early fame
When the Three Kingdoms were all in flame.
-“人道是，三国周郎赤壁”，注意啦，这里为了押韵增加了fame和flame这类字。一看就是为了凑韵，颇觉赘。
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Jagged rocks tower in the air,
-“乱石穿空”，干净利索，好！tower 是塔，这里作动词用，说那石头们高耸得像塔。像是丧失了“穿”的奇峻。
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Swashing waves beat on the shore,
-“惊涛拍岸”，
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Rolling up a thousand heaps of snow.
- “卷起千堆雪”。这两句都是直译，没废话。
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To match the hills and the river so fair,
-“江山如画”，用fair译“如画”不知准确否。fair多用于人生的漂亮。
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How many heroes brave of yore
Made a great show !
-“一时多少豪杰”，yore和show，也是为了押韵。
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过片：
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I fancy General Zhou at the height
Of his success, with a plume fan in hand,
In a silk hood, so brave and bright,
Laughing and jesting with his bride so fair,
While enemy ships were destroyed as planned
Like shadowy castles in the air.
- “遥想公瑾当年，小乔初嫁了，雄姿英发。羽扇纶巾，谈笑间，樯橹灰飞烟灭”，上面一大段译文把苏轼这几句原文散开重新排列来翻译，来！重复一下细看啊：
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I fancy General Zhou at the height
- “遥想公瑾当年”，height这儿折行为了跟下面隔句的bright押韵。
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Of his success, with a plume fan in hand,
- “羽扇”
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In a silk hood,
- “纶巾”，“丝帽”是“纶巾”吗？
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so brave and bright,
- “雄姿英发”，
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laughing and jesting with his bride so fair,
-“谈笑间”，“小乔初嫁了”，累赘的是又出现了fair，为了跟下面的air押韵。译者前面曾出现了fair，形容hills and river，就是“江山如画”那句。原文的“谈笑”应该是和其他豪杰们，而不是跟bride这位新娘。
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While enemy ships were destroyed as planned
- “樯橹灰飞烟灭”，as planned 赘，为了和前面的hand押韵。打仗本来就瞬息万变，怎么可以plan它的结局。
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Like shadowy castles in the air.
- 这一句实乃败笔！苏轼原文没有，译者这句就为了上面那句with his bride so fair 对偶并且与fair押韵！哈哈。这句英文啥意思？“空中楼阁的影子”？接着再往下看：
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Should their souls revisit this land,
- “故国神游”，这句their主语安排错了，苏轼原文里“游故国”的是苏轼自己，译文变成their souls，成了死去的那些豪杰的魂灵。这么一来，下句的“多情应笑我”可怎么翻译？接着看：
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Sentimental , his wife would laugh to say,
- “多情应笑我”，这下要命了，their souls 不管了，多情的人变成了his wife，也只能是小乔了。“成了小乔笑着对周瑜说：”
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Younger than they , I have my hair all turned gray.
- “早生华发”，现在主语一团混乱，莫非是小乔说周瑜“你比他们年轻”？问题是they是谁，其他豪杰？最乱的是接下来的 I have my hair all turned gray，这个“I”到底是谁？这里须注意啦：咱们汉语，尤其古汉语最喜欢省略主语，但隐含的主语永远可以读出来。英文则永远不能省略主语，当然也不能弄乱了。既使省略也得用定语从句！唉，真是的，这位“许渊冲”啊，据称还翻译过《唐诗三百首》！怪不得英文国家的人都那么不喜欢咱们唐诗呢，都是读这位许渊冲的翻译闹的。哈哈。最后还有两句：
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Life is but like a passing dream,
-“人生如梦”，
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一尊还酹江月。
I’d drink to the moon
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which once saw them on the stream.
-最后再加这么一句多了个stream为了和dream押韵。stream跟great river如何能比？
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现在看这类翻译，真觉得小D会秒杀这些许渊冲们。
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